A lot of people have asked me about where the idea of adoption started for our family. I know it hasn't even been a week since the last blog... I told you I could talk about this all the time!
Todd and I were married about one year before I finished grad school and started my first job as a clinical fellow at Methodist. During the first 9 months there I had a clinical fellowship supervisor. She had adopted her first daughter at the time and I was so intrigued by her family. I loved listening to her talk about the adoption and the birth family. I knew that she and her husband struggled with infertility. I had another dear friend in my life at the time who was also struggling with infertility. This friend was pursuing fertility treatments. I asked my supervisor at work once if she and her husband had considered this. I will never forget her words to me and to this day they have made a huge impact on my life. She said, "You know, I had to ask myself: Do I want to be pregnant or do I want to be a mommy." I thought about what she said for a long time after that.
About 3 years later I began thinking more about those words as so many of my friends were struggling with infertility and Todd and I were beginning to talk more about starting our family. I was convinced we would not be able to get pregnant. So I brought the subject of adoption up to Todd. It went something like this, "Please, let's get our name on a list somewhere because it takes so long to go through the adoption process!" I'm pretty sure I was whining and hysterical (not to mention a bit ignorant about the whole adoption process). As you can imagine Todd was a little shocked and asked if we could slow down and maybe give a shot to trying to have our own first.
About 9 months after W was born we started attending a new church. One of the women there, Hope, had connections with an American woman in Haiti, Barbara, who was running an orphanage there. I loved listening to Hope talk about this woman. I had always had a facination with Haiti and can remember being in school learning about their culture and people. When O was about 2 months old I started asking Todd about adoption again. Owen was so little that I don't think Todd was taking me seriously. But I was very serious as he would find out. He agreed to let me contact the woman in Hait and ask some questions. We had a brief communication and that was enough to let me know that this was something I really wanted to do someday, but it also scared the living daylights out of me when she was ready to get our information and what we do next. I tabled it for awhile.
Then little N was "In my tummy" as the boys would say. I was so sure that she would be a boy and that Todd couldn't turn down the adoption of a little girl. We were still talking about adoption, but I think it was more me talking about adoption and Todd humoring me with a smile and thinking, "Please make this stop!" He would tell me that it wasn't about adopting, but that it was a number thing. 3 children was plenty, 4 scared him. When we found out N was a girl it was such a strange mix of emotions for me. I remember crying and being so excited and so sad at the same time. We went out for lunch after our OB appointment and I was melancholoy. I soon got over it and could never picture life without her. I have always wanted a fourth chid. Todd has always wanted 3. We never resolved this in our premarriage counceling class!
So after N was born we continued talking about adoption. Fine, I continued talking about adoption. Then the earthquake destroyed much of Haiti. That is when adoption for our family became more than just talk. It became a subject to consider seriously. This summer Todd felt that God was calling us to move forward with adopting a child. I'll let him tell his reason for a change of heart, but it is pretty cool. Haiti suspended all adoptions and our contact in Haiti, Barbara, told me that the future looked grim for children in Haiti to be adopted out and that we should probably not pursue Haiti as an option for adoption. So, we spent time praying and reading and talking to adoptive families. We feel so blessed to have two families close to us that have gone the road before us. One of them travelled their road to Ethiopia.
How we came to pursue adoption through Ethiopia is still a bit of a question for us. We have been reading about the country and it's people and are in love. I just finished reading one of the best books I have ever read called There is No Me Without You by Melissa Faye Greene. I recommend it to anyone wanting to learn more about Ethiopia, adoption, AIDS or if you just like stories that are inspiring. We continue to have a heart for Haiti and pray for the people and their orphans.
Thank you to all of you who have encouraged us through this long process. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words here lately. We appreciate your prayers and your sweet encouragement.
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