Getting excited again

It just dawned on me within the last week that I am starting to get excited about bringing home a new child. Maybe this sounds strange. But, for many years I was very excited about the idea of adoption. However, as soon as it became a reality for our family, I basically have been in freak out mode. Whenever I am not in "freak out" mode it is because I am in "get the task done" mode. We have been so focused on getting papers to the right place and checking things off of to do lists so we can get documents mailed, etc, etc, that I haven't had time to reflect on what is about to happen (or what is about to happen in God's timing really). Our home study was finished before Thanksgiving and our I600a was sent and now we are waiting on our fingerprinting date. We are almost finished with our last set of documents for our dossier as well. I think that has something to do with finally reaching that place where I can be excited again.

Don't get me wrong, I still have to give many of my worries to the Lord. Will this child be afraid of me and T when we meet them? Will this baby love us? Will we get some kind of incurable disease while in Africa? Hey, give me a little break here, I'm not a world traveller. Will our child miss their caregivers from Ethiopia? Will we say or do things that won't make our child feel loved? Will our neighbors, family, and friends take this child in like they have done our other children? And how in the world am I going to parent 4 children? God will see us through. I know this to be true. He has done this in my life more times that I even realize. It's just hard for me to let the worry go.

Right now I'm reading a book called Does Anybody Else Look Like Me? It's a really practical and not so much political book on raising multiracial or transracially adopted children in a race focused society. You know how sometimes information in the books we read can be really good, but it's hard to put it to use in a real way? You get into the day to day of life and realize that the ideals in the book are just good on paper. But, today I had the awesome opportunity to talk to a grandma who happens to be Caucasian and was raised by an African American family. Yep, I was all over that! I told her that if there was anything she had to offer me in the advice arena I would gladly take it. She's so sweet and said there was one thing she thought might help me. She wanted me to know that there will be plenty of comments from strangers and even people we know, but to try not to take them too seriously and to try not to let them offend me. She said that if I get upset and uncomfortable, then our transracial child will pick up on that and feel that there is something wrong with them. But, if I give people grace toward their innocent comments while walking away from those that have racial undertones, then I will be teaching my children how to do this in life as well. I felt like she was the author of the book I am reading. It was the same thing I have read! I was so thankful for this impromptu conversation this morning.

T's cousin who lives on the west coast is in the process of adopting an African American baby that they have been fostering. I love that this baby's aunts call him Brown Sugar. It seems so endearing and clever. So I told my coworker who is part Indian, part African about it hoping she would let me know if it was offensive to her. She grinned ear to ear and said she loved it and that maybe my child could be called chocolate with a french accent. Not sure what the author of this book would say on that!

I had the chance to talk with the director of our placing agency this week. I had some lingering questions on issues like birth families and support, etc. I was so glad to get some of these questions discussed and to hear her experiences with these families. At the end of the conversation I told her about my excitement returning and how some of my nervousness was from questioning if I could parent 4 kids. She exclaimed, "Four? "You can't just adopt one, you need to think about another child so this one isn't the only one from Ethiopia!" I laughed out of nervousness and I still don't know if she was trying to use humor or if she was being serious. I'm hoping T doesn't read this post. :) O is still talking about "The kids from Ethiopia". Whenever he has a question or talks about our adoption he says things like, "Mommy, when the kids from Ethiopia get here..." I will be honest that this sends a very quick wave of panic through my body. Lord, I can only manage 4. Please don't be trying to send me any messages or prophesies here. Please.

So, to end this I want you to think about it. Are you ready to bring a child from Ethiopia into your hearts? Maybe this is what O is talking about. "When the kids from Ethiopia get here..."