He turned my anguish into joy, my passion

I am so thankful for the care Congressman Burton's office showed us during the fight to bring our daughter home. We also have someone from Senator Lugar's office in DC who is working on our case as well. It makes me feel so blessed to be called a Hoosier. Just knowing there is still good in our government gives me some hope. But, our daughter is home and there is no urgency in our representatives responses anymore. They are glad our daughter is home, and of course we are too. But, I am left with a little survivor's guilt and with a whole lot of injustice laughing at me with it's tongue out saying, "Na Na Na Na Na!" I have trouble sleeping at night knowing that someone in my own government, my countryman, intentionally sabotaged my daughter's documents, creating all of that suffering for us and kept us apart for those months, all the while getting away with every last bit of it.

Since we have been home God has spoken so much more directly to me about continuing this fight. Over and over I have had confirmation that I am not to forget about the other children in Ethiopia just because we are holding our precious daughter in our home. Before EB came home I wasn't sure if I was supposed to speak up or if I was supposed to be quiet. As the situation grew it became more clear to me that I was supposed to fight. As I spent time in God's Word I was also affirmed. But, I will be honest with you that I was not looking into His Word intently. I was reading it, but was not learning it and I could give you all kinds of  selfish excuses why. So when I wasn't reading His words I was beating myself up for being so loud and vocal. Is that what Christians were supposed to do? Weren't we supposed to be meek and wait to see what happens, praying quietly in our closets? I spent a lot of time in anguish over this doubt of my purpose in this fight. I was afraid of not being in God's will. Oh whatever, the thing I was really afraid of was the disapproval some were subtly giving me. I'm such a lightweight.

In an earlier post I told you about a major contact that a friend of mine had, but I wasn't able to share who it was at the time. Well, it was Hillary Clinton's lawyer. Why is this a big deal? Hillary Clinton is Secretary of State. She is the head of the Department of State! The DOS is the Embassy. Hillary Clinton is like the CEO and the Vice Consular at the Embassy in Ethiopia is like the janitor. So, I had a friend who had contact with Clinton's attorney! She spoke with him on his blackberry on my behalf and he agreed to look at our information. This was way back before the Vice Consul at the Embassy decided to make that horrible move to falsify information in our daughter's documents. The same week I sent Clinton's atty my information another friend met me for dinner. During our conversation I admitted to her that my biggest problem right then was being unsure whether it was in God's will that I fight this fight for Ethiopia's orphans including my daughter or was it His will for me to sit back and wait. She said, "Well, you wonder if the doors are open then maybe you are supposed to fight, but if they are closed, then maybe you're supposed to wait." That simple statement really helped me in the moment because I began recalling every single door opening. I told her that whenever I called someone with a high title they would answer the phone. I told her how weird it was that several times a day my caller id would register Washington DC or Capitol DC. Then I told her that I even had a contact with Hillary Clinton's lawyer! My friend's eyes started to water and she just grabbed my arm. It turns out that this friend also knows Clinton's lawyer and actually had a more direct connection with him! I remember thinking and telling my friend in that moment that even if nothing came out of this major contact for our case, that I was being affirmed by God in that moment that we were to continue fighting. I felt hugged by God through this divine appointment and my friend felt it too. As it turns out Clinton's attorney did not help us, but it doesn't matter. I believe that wasn't the point of his involvement in our story anyway.

I didn't doubt as much after that night about my fighting, but I also started to dive into God's Bible like it was water to my thirsty soul. And it was. Over and over He affirmed what I was doing through His writings.

When we were in Ethiopia to claim our daughter into our family we enjoyed spending some one on one time with her. But while we were there we saw the faces, the many faces, of other children without families, without homes. David Platt is a pastor and author that wrote, "Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they're not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes..." I worried if I would have the same fire to fight when we brought home our forth child. FOUR children? I am still in denial of this number! But, the fire has remained, I just don't have quite the same amount of time to put into it. Our little sleeps like a champ and when they are all in bed I get to work, writing letters again, talking with senator's and congressman's staffers, and communicating with other adoptive families from Ethiopia.

I started a Bible study in the book of James. If you need a kick in the pants about the social injustices in our world, I suggest you read this book written by Jesus' half brother. The second verse got me. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." This letter from James would have been written in Greek and there are two definitions for the word perseverance. The first means "nerving oneself". Oh my! Yes, I have had to nerve myself a lot during the trials of standing up for what happened to us. Some of you know me really well and can only imagine the wording I have used when writing my letters. I have also been pretty bold (almost passing out from nervousness) on USCIS stakeholders conference calls.

The second meaning of the word perseverance in Greek is "heroic endurance". I just cried. It has taken a lot of risk to call and write people like the deputy director of homeland security, or the Chief Consul at US Embassy in Addis, or any of the others.

It also comforted me to understand that "consider it pure joy" doesn't mean "feel joyful". It means "a mental exercise" 'to think, reflect, and to esteem the unalloyed joys available whenever we experience various trials'.

Another lesson that was so meaningful to me was how our anguish can turn into joy.

John 16:20 "Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy."

 Isaiah 61:1-4 "The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
   because the LORD has anointed me
   to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
   to proclaim freedom for the captives
   and release from darkness for the prisoners,^[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
   and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
 ³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
   instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
   instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
   instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
   a planting of the LORD
   for the display of his splendor."

Psalm 30:11 "You turned my wailing into dancing;
   you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy"

Further looking into these verses will show you that God isn't always saying that He will take away our trials and then give us something to be joyful over. He isn't always saying that someday you will prevail and feel joy again. I learned that sometimes He is saying THAT THE VERY THING that caused us anguish WILL BE THE THING that causes us joy. When I read this I almost slammed my Bible shut out of surprise. You see I have been feeling so much joy over feeling like I have a purpose in God's plan to bring light to the fraudulent behavior of our government and to maybe have one small piece of the puzzle in being the voice for orphans in Ethiopia. Really, God? Are you turning my anguish from the past 5 months into the thing that brings me joy? I felt so special that maybe He is trusting me with this small piece.

I feel that at this moment the Lord wants me to keep writing letters, keep calling our lawmakers, keep pushing. I have to tell on myself though. Just this week I doubted again. I sought counsel from my pastor who was very helpful, but in the end it was when I was talking it out with my mom that made the most sense to me. I told her the same thing humans around the world have said. "If God would just send one of His heavenly hosts down to just tell me, 'Do not fear child, you are to fight this fight. Keep on keeping on. Go, we have your back.', then after I changed my underwear, I would never doubt again. Guess what else I wouldn't do? I bet I wouldn't seek God about it anymore either. I bet I wouldn't be on my knees most nights about it either. I bet I would just get to work and go, saying, "God told me to do this, leave me alone!" I know myself and having a purpose like this can also become an idol to me. So, my goal is to everyday ask the Lord for guidance, praying over every letter, every email, every phone call.

But, it won't really matter if I do this alone. Right now, Susan Jacobs, Director of Children's Affairs at the Department of State, knows what happened to us. Right now, the Vice Consular who lied about our witness' statement knows that I am telling anyone who will listen about what she did. Right now, Deputy director of USCIS (Homeland Security) and his staff knows what happened in our case. Right now, our Congressman and Senator know what happened in our case. And no one is bothered by it. In the last two weeks more families than I can count had their children's cases forwarded on to USCIS Nairobi for adjudication from the US Embassy in Ethiopia. More people got RFEs like we did. More families are finding fraudulent behavior among the US Embassy in Ethiopia. The Department of State is not held accountable by any other governmental body. They are not worried about getting caught. But, if our members of Congress get sick of hearing about the wrong doings of the Embassy by adoptive parents, their friends, and their family, then we actually have a chance to change things.

The likely cause of all of this is that the Department of State was told "No" to the signing of the Hague Treaty by the Ethiopian government in September of 2011. This is what happens to countries that do that. Vietnam, Nepal- sound familiar? The DOS cries "fraud" and "corruption" to gain public support so that when they close or suspend the country to US adoptions the public, you and me, say, "Good job! We don't want to exploit children." But, there were absolutely no proven instances of fraud in those countries. Just like there isn't in Ethiopia. No, I'm not that naive. I know there are bad apples in every bunch. But, so far it hasn't been found, and believe me our US government is looking for it. Most of the problems in Ethiopia are related to poor documentation, which is a symptom of poverty, not fraud. In the US, I can buy a social security number, make a fake drivers license in my living room, draw up a fictional resume, steal someone's identity, claim benefits I'm not entitled to, etc. But, we don't shut down the Social Security Administration, the auto industry, the job search industry, etc. because fraud might occur.

It is time. Will you write your representatives and mind and let them know you are not OK with your tax money paying for the fraudulent behavior of the Department of State to help further their undercover political Hague agenda? Will you ask for a change to the system? Will you ask them to do a real investigation into how much education and training the staff at the US Embassy receive?

"Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act." Dietrich Bonhoeffer, theologian

We need all hands on deck. We need all heads out of the sand.