What do you want me to do for you?

I am tired.
I'm really really tired.
I'm pretty sure many of you reading this are tired too. So, let's take a moment to whine a little and then get over it, OK?

My full time job is loving 4 babes. I really love my full time job...most of the time. Loving my babes means giving them my attention, time, teaching them, showing them right from wrong (which isn't very easy for me as I am still learning this), playing tickle monster, feeding them good food, keeping the house in some kind of order, hugging them when a friend has said something hurtful, disciplining, running one to the toilet before another accident, and you know the drill. This is just a glimpse of one of the babes I manage daily.

I have a side job too. I really like my side job. I get to use skills outside of wiping snot at my favorite hospital. I have a great boss/friend and have some pretty neat co-workers too. I get to help patients learn to swallow, communicate, and help them use other parts of their brain to make-up for poor executive functioning. Sometimes I wish I could help myself in that area. I usually get to do my side job on a weekend here and there.

Another full time job I have is  determining to show one of my babes that I am not going anywhere, that she can count on me, that no matter what she does, she will not "mean" me away. This job can be one of my favorites some days, and then some days I dream of going on a 12 hour walk..by myself...with my ipod...listening to something other than Laurie Berkner or Boz.

My latest side job started almost 6 months ago when I was told that my daughter's I-600 documents were "Not Clearly Approvable." I go to this job during naps and when kids go to bed almost every day. This job keeps me up at night. I want to put my resignation in. But I. Just. Can't. I. Just. Won't. Not yet anyway. I believe there will be a time when God finally says, "Becky, it's time to let it go.

Beeeecky, I said, 'Let it go'.

BECKY, LET. IT.GO...NOW."

I hope to be listening when He does. I still wonder if I am doing His will here. I am glad I am still wondering because it brings me to ask Him. If you read my last blog entry I committed to get into the Word and seek Him in this daily. I can say that 98% of the time I make sure I do that before I start hitting the FB groups and editing (for the 100th time!) my Affidavit, or having conference calls with the other people who have found themselves in the thick of this mess.

But, I am tired.
Really, really tired.

My study on James ended and my "dealer", Mrs. Pfister, bought me a book on prayer by Mark Batterson called, The Circle Maker. Wasn't James more appropriate for what has been going on in my life? Why would I want to start a book about prayer when I am oh so not good at prayer. Do I not have enough going on? I feel like I am in undergrad all over again. Overwhelmed!

I LOVE love love love Bible study. I love learning more about the character of God in deep study of His Word. I experience Him that way. Sitting down, being quiet, and pouring out my soul to Him is hard for me. Here is an example of how it might go, "Dear God, what a beautiful day this is. Thank you for the time I have to spend here with you. OH MY GOSH, LOOK AT THAT BIRD! He's so fat. He must have eaten a lot of seeds over the winter. OK. Sorry. I need Your help today. I feel so scared. There are so many children without love. OOOOOWEN, Can you turn that down please? Where was I? Please bring EB's friends home soon. Be with them. Restore them. Heal them. A CHIPMUNK? LOOK AT HOW FAST HE WAS! Oh, OK. Sorry again. Thanks for listening. Love you."

As it turns out this book is exactly what I need right now. I know, shocker. One quote that I found to be especially important for me to remember was, "It is absolutely imperative at the outset that you come to terms with this simple yet life-changing truth: God is for you. If you don't believe that, then you'll pray small timid prayers; if you do believe it, then you'll pray big audacious prayers." Oh, this is good for me to read! So much good content on prayer is stuffed into this book that I just want you to go get it. He makes a point further in the book about something Jesus said to some blind guys. In Matthew 20 two blind men were sitting by the side of the road and cried out to Jesus. Do you know what Jesus said? "What do you want me to do for you?" Huh? Huh. They are blind. They want healed. Pretty sure Jesus knew that, right? But, He wanted them to know it. I totally get how it is possible that these blind men needed to process what exactly they wanted from Jesus. I can put my name in this verse, in this story. "What do you want me to do for you Becky?"

Uh...

Tentatively I thought of something:

1. That this Call to Action-this fight for justice to keep ET adoptions open in the US would be effective and honor Him.

2. That the number of orphans in Ethiopia would dramatically be reduced because of His miraculous and mighty hand, swiftly at work through His people.

I picked up a little steam.

3. That my daughter will know deep deep down the love of a mommy and daddy. That the love we give, no matter how imperfect, will heal all and any heart wounds that she has and will have from being separated from the person who labored her into life.

4. That my life will glorify God and that I will no longer sit back and be content with my comfortable life. That I will make a difference and when I see Jesus' face in Heaven some day that I will lay a crown down at His feet and thank Him for the opportunities He gave me- for making me feel like His special girl.

5. That He will protect my family and the families of those who are in this fight.

I'm still tired.
Really, really tired.

There's a group of meanies out there doing their meanie thing to some of us. I've never been a fan of meanies. These meanies are mean. And they are adoptive parents. Yep. They adopted from Ethiopia in the past years and believe that their Ethiopian adopted children were not truly orphans. Yep. They are not a big group, but they are loud. They are mean. I do not completely understand their goals or their motivation. I'm not sure if they are in favor of shutting ET adoptions to the US down. But, they are certainly in favor of the way the US Embassy mistreated our family and the families that now total over and estimated 100-150. Yep. They oppose this fight we have started. Just in case any of them read this (the rest of you already knows this truth about me) I want to make this very very clear: We- Call to Action- are in favor of investigations into orphan status. We are in favor of gaining any and all information there is to gain on our children's backgrounds. We are in favor of helping Ethiopians get documentation correct. OK? Now, please stop saying terrible things about me. Please stop saying terrible things about my daughter. Please stop telling the world that your child was not a true orphan and then do nothing to investigate that claim. And please tell us what your real motivation is. Just tell the truth.  

Now, are you tired?
Really, really tired?

God has called us each for a purpose. Right now, I feel like I am in the smack dab middle of a big purpose. And you know I wouldn't be writing a blog just to write out my thoughts. You know I'm going to ask you to help. So, will you? Will you support me by praying? I need your prayers. Not a day goes by that I don't, even if it's a fleeting thought, get scared and want to lay this down a little too early. Will you pray that God will go before us, with us, and do His thing in this fight?

Will you.... Yikes, get ready... go to DC with my family when it's time?

Senators and Congressman will listen if there is a very large number of anxiously waiting people outside of their doors. For some reason they need people to like them and what they are doing. It is an election year. Even better. And don't even think I'm talking to the handful of you adoptive parent friends I have living near me. I'm talking everyone! Grandma, Grandpa, Cousin, Neighbor, Brother, Sister, Aunt, Uncle, Dear Friend, Acquaintance, Co-Worker, Doctor, Hair Stylist, Kid's Teacher, Church Member, Pastor, Niece, Nephew, Mom, and Dad.

Make it an educational experience. I'll fill you in later, outside of an open public forum like this, on the details. Come on!

 What do you want Him to do for you?